originally published february 21, 2018
This text has been waiting on my laptop for several months now. I wrote it this summer an since I first reread what I wrote this is one of my favorite pieces I EVER wrote. But I didn't want to hurt anybody, or trigger people making wrong assumptions and through that taking away the beauty and power of words. As time has passed by I am ready to share this with you and I hope I can bring you some of the magic I felt back in this moment into your life.
we were sitting there, side by side. squished into this little car.
We never connected before but now in this tiny little space we were
- magic happened.
The inside of the car became the witness of this special moment.
The space we shared became the universe.
His lips were moving and the words that were crawling out of his mouth came flowing right from his heart.
They danced through the air and kissed my ears so his message could find my heart without detour.
In this moment I saw you.
I saw you for the first time and I lost myself in you.
Your watery green eyes.
Your skin, tanned from the sun and toned from countless adventures.
I lost myself in your voice and in your open heart.
Time lost its form and just stretched into the endless scene we were hugged in.
I lost myself in the trust you gifted me with,
in the strength and the courage to show me
your true face, your true self, your true heart.
I lost myself in the tingling and vibrating energy which was flowing in between us, crossing our bodies and flashing both of us.
I lost myself in the honor of being your home.
I lost myself in gratitude.
Gratitude for this connection. Gratitude for your words,
that a man could see me, that a man wanted to listen, that a man wanted to share.
I was blown away, thrown into another dimension, another universe found in your voice, found in your eyes,
found on this tiny square of asphalt capsuled in this shell of a car.
I saw you. I saw you so clearly my eyes weren't necessary anymore.
You are so beautiful. When your heart started spilling and I was calm and able to take your pain and let it flow through you so your light was able to shine and free from this hard shell,
I fell in love with life again.
I fell in love with humans.
I fell in love with you,
and every soul out there.
...1 week later ...
the tickling in my heart is still so present- like little butterflies.
my chest, my belly, my arms and my legs are illuminated.
your washed green eyes appear in my head, dancing in the corner of my view, appearing between little details hugged into nature.
Again and again my memories bring me back to this special moment.
To this infinite vibration.
to this energy which was so strongly flowing between our bodies?
between our souls ?
Tell me if I am right. Tell me I was not the only one who felt this connection.
Tell me I am not more sensitive then anyone else here again.
I know you felt it.
this was magical,
but this was real.
I keep coming back to this feeling, again and again and again and again.
It is not my choice.
I don't want to push myself into anything.
I don't want to push anything onto you.
I don't want to make anything up,
but my heart returns to what nourishes it.
my souls reaches for the truth.
and we truly were real in this moment.
we were infinite, borderless, not human, endlessly flowing.
I cherish you so deeply for this experience.
I cherish you so deeply for this path.
My head is oddly quiet.
I don't know something like that.
I am so calm and relaxed in this situation, outer circumstances could make me crazy but they don't,
because I trust.
Because I learned to trust.
to trust in life, to trust in the universe, to trust in me, in you, in love.
I was wrong.
You shouldn't tell me if what I was feeling was true.
If I was the only one being immersed in this vibration.
I know it was true. I know it was real. I know you felt it as well.
I know and I feel as deeply and surely as never anything before that a connection like that is not reachable with anybody, is not reachable for anybody.
I know that magic like that doesn't happen for no reason,
I may not see the plan yet.
I may not understand your way yet, but the universe will guide me,
the universe guides us and it will fix it.
I trust. I love. I listen. and I know ! what ever is supposed to happen will, when I go with the flow.
so I will.
I am so thankful for this experience, no matter what the future holds.
I am so thankful for you teaching me a connection and depth of feelings like this.
My heart is full of gratitude and my soul excited for the future to come.
for this life
I love you,
I love me
And I deeply fall in love with all of this universe again and again.