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© since 2015 by Pauline la Petite. created with Wix.com

"You have changed"... Why allowing yourself to change means freedom

originally published November 14, 2018



We get so worried about doing things our friends wouldn't accept from us,

about looking a different way,

falling out of our partner's love,

saying things we wouldn't usually say.  "You have changed" - became a sentence with a negative connotation in our society, though change is the only real consistency of our all life's.  Why do we try to keep things the same when naturally we are meant to change, grow, evolve and change again.  Fear? I think so... Don't let your mind come in between you and the highest self you can become.  Life isn't about the person you once were, or the image people want to see from you. It is about the person you are in this very moment and the person you have the potential to be.


I am 21 years old today.

I am young, but I dare to say I have experienced quite a bit during these years.

I know what it feels like to be depressed.

I know what it feels like to have an anxiety attack.

I know what it feels like to be lost.

But I also know how it feels like to break free from depression, to see the light at the end of the tunnel and fall in love with yourself and life again.


One reason why I got to know the light side of many emotions is that at some point I stopped resisting change and allowed myself to be someone different at any moment. 

I can't even tell you how many of my friends and people I know already are noticing the feeling of being stuck in their lifes.


I don't even want to start on family friends or relatives that feel stuck when they are in their 40's, 50's or 60's.


People losing themselves in relationships and breaking up again and again because of the same problem is known.


Anxiety and depression are the most common illnesses today.

Hating your job, your studies, your city, and your life is anything but rare. 

Why? 

I have asked myself that question because seeing all these friends already going down a route they hate is devastating to me and I hope I can help or inspire anyone with this post to allow yourself to change!


I noticed that this is one of the most significant key points because it was one of the greatest lessons to learn for me.

When I allowed myself to let go to stagnant believes of myself and others, life became easier.


So, why changing is good and how to allow yourself to change,  is what I want to share with you today . 


People have problems with you changing!


They always have, they will most likely always do ( in the course of your lifetime) 

They automatically feel left out or left behind when you start allowing yourself to change into a better version of yourself but they notice themselves still stepping around in the same puddle of mud.

It is sad to say, but most people aren't happy for other people thriving. Instead, they are jealous. 


BUT: This is none of your business.  

People want to keep you small and push you down to feel bigger themselves and not have to ask themselves whether they should work on themselves or not.


BUT you don't have to let them do that.

When people drag you down, nobody is forcing you to keep negative people in your life. 

Their jealousy is none of your business. 


YOU are not on this planet to always please other people! 

You have not been given this life to live it for your parents, your friends, your partner, your boss, your teacher, your coach ..... but you! 


You are in control of your life, and you should never let anyone hold you back. 

Their ideas for your life is none of your business. 

Humans and our society have this massive tendency to hold on to things.

There is a massive amount of resistance against change and new things. 

If you feel that way too, thats totally ok - somehow it is natural.


However, you don't have to let this uncomfortable feeling control your life. 

One of many reasons why people feel depressed is them holding on to the past and not being able to live in the present.


They are clinging to past situations, people, life situations, etc. 

What they do not notice is that you can't stop change from happening. 

This resistance towards change swallows them, and the gab which gets created between their forced believe system and reality creates this empty feeling of disconnection in their lifes

and themselves. 


The same theory works for cases of anxiety too.

People are so afraid of change that the current reality will at some point no longer be,

they are continually living in the future worrying about a reality that is neither real nor ever happening in this exact way. 

By spending all their time "living" in the future and making themselves worry they are trying to stop change from happening and again creating resistance and disconnection to the present moment and reality. 


When you are stuck in the past or the future, 

how can you take control over the present?

How can you show up to your relationship?

How can you take control over your business path, your mental health, your physical health and more? 

YOU CAN NOT. 


The only way of stopping this resistance from swallowing all your energy that you could use for something great is to allow yourself and your life to change

( it will anyway, so why not just be ok with it and enjoying the ride?) 


How? You might ask yourself now. 


1. Your opinion about yourself is the only one that matters from now on 

Define who you are and who you want to be for yourself and stop trying to be anyone but yourself for anybody out there 

99% of the people out there don't want to see you grow bigger than them, so they will have a negative opinion about what you are doing - but we do not want their anger to have any power over our success or happiness  


2. meditate daily 

I do not necessarily mean sitting in a crossed legged position for ten minutes to half an hour a day.

Meditation can be many different things sports, drawing, walking, yoga, singing, dancing.

Whatever can shut off the voice in your head and only make you BE in this present moment is perfect. 


Why should you do this?

You will quickly notice that this practice can bring you in touch with your inner self, the voice inside, the intuition that is guided by something bigger than yourself.

Once you build a connection with that, a sense of security will occur inside of you.

Self-love and knowing that everything will be ok as long as you have your center is the effect of being able to access this inner state which actually is the only thing that never changes at the deepest of its truth ( but thats a whole different topic) 


3. Allow yourself to make decisions and take actions that other people do not agree with

By doing what you feel is right for you, no matter what other people say, 

you are technically just making yourself free from people-pleasing and listening to everybody's opinions.

You need to free yourself from the belief, and other peoples believe that you are not allowed to change.


Besides that, cultivating trust in your gut feeling and allowing yourself to stand up for yourself, will make you so much stronger and also develop a very strong and intimate trust-relationship between your mind and heart.

Once you have your own back you don’t need to trust in the opinions of others anymore.