February 25, 2018
This week I was listening to Susan David ( she has an outstanding
) on the school of greatness podcast and through her words I learned about a southafrican saying :
SAWA BONA
I SEE YOU AND WITH SEEING I BRING YOU INTO BEING.
It perfectly fits into what I experienced since I am back in Germany.
In our society, we are purely identified with our mind.
It takes a lot to notice that inside of you is a voice talking, but at the same time, there is consciousness which listens to this voice and notices the speaking as well as being the one who listens to it.
So what I realized and noticed over a long period of time is that we always, always try to busy our minds.
Especially when „negative“ emotions arise.
2017 Depression became the leading disability in the whole world, outrating cancer, diabetes, and heart disease !
Everybody feels unseen and lonely, and the paradox about it is that we are all in it together, experiencing the same.
WHY IS THAT?
Basically our society, we as humans are trained always immediately to find a solution for a „bad“ situation.
( if you want to dive deeper into this topic check out Susan David )
As your minds are trained to label everything as good or bad, we judge and label our emotions as well. Through that many of our emotions become unwanted and let shame, guilt, overwhelmness, and stress arise.
Our solution-finding does not allow the emotion to be and the person who has the experience with this emotions have space to actually experience it.
We push it aside by DOING something AGAINST IT.
F.E. Imagine going out and seeing your crush kissing another girl. Instead of taking a breath and turning inwards to really feel what is happening inside and understand the experience we are having so we can learn from it. What do we do? We just find the next best guy to make out with him instead, for several different reasons.
BUT BY PUSHING IT AWAY IT DOES NOT LEAVE! YOU STILL EXPERIENCE IT!
Everybody knows when you have a heartbreak and friends come over to go out and make you get on another guy or something. Social support is , and you maybe will find some distraction but only by pretending you are fine your pain doesn’t go away, does it?
Because we never learned to deal with emotions that may be uncomfortable, we also do not know how to act with others that go through experiences like that.
We can not blame ourself because we never learned differently. But by now being exposed to it you can start shifting your behavior, towards others and yourself and actually freeing you and your surroundings from the numbness of depression.
So the next time when you or somebody else feels bad.
DO NOT TRY TO FIND A SOLUTION!!
- this is not what will bring an authentic longterm, freeing solution.
INSTEAD! Just sit there and offer this person your WHOLE and ENTIRE PRESENCE.
This is really difficult in the beginning, regardless of whether you want to direct this presence towards yourself or a friend.
Really
LISTEN
TAKE IN
information and just let it flow through you. DO NOT try to find an answer immediately !)
LOOK AT THEM !
Make them feel SEEN
FEEL THEM !
How does this person feel right now? What energy does come across from them?
When you decide to touch them, touch them with your heart shining through your fingers and be really sensitive when it is enough.
JUST BE PRESENT !
For yourself, you can do the same.
Close your eyes and listen inside:
How does this experience of this emotions feel like?
What memories arise?
How does my body feel?
Where do I feel the pain?
What is the lesson behind this? Etc.
I am telling you, in the beginning, it is tough (!!) to turn off this endless chatting voice in your head, which is directing you to do what you always did in these situations and jump to solutions and
TAKE AWAY THEIR/YOUR SPACE TO EXPERIENCE,
instead of taking a step back and merely holding the space for them to be.
It is IMPORTANT TO BE COMPASSIONATE WITH YOURSELF!
Just the fact that you are trying to do what you do is a massive step!
Regardless of for yourself or somebody else.
If it doesn’t work for the first time.
DONT WORRY, JUST TRY AGAIN
- Routine makes a master
You are on the right path, and we are all just humans learning.
If you want to say something.
FIRST:
Feel inside and ask yourself:
Am I saying this for this person / in the most authentic intention for myself?
Or, is my mind running on autopilot and this has no real benefit to holding this space at this moment?
When you know your answers, you could say things like this for example.....
Whatever you experience, I am here for you to hold space and listen.
You are not alone in this.
How do you feel like?
What do you want to do ?
Is there anything you wish me to do ?
I am here to listen.
This way you acknowledge the emotion and experience, which is arising and you deliver the message of:
It is ok to feel like that right now.
How can you learn from it ?
This is part of life and it is worthy to be lived.
Instead of denying that we have heavy emotions and just jumping over them to store them deep down in our soul and creating more and more darkness and trauma in ourself.
I really, really hope I was able to deliver some guidance and new perspective on how to deal with ( especially "negative") emotions.
I can tell you it is one of the most beautiful things I ever experienced when you are able to just SEE a person.
And you just notice how they are touched by your simple presence and come alive in this space.
A situation where that happened is posted on my blog too.
Check it out for some inspiration to make the effort and change habits.
You can cure your own depression and help others to step into their truth 100% by
JUST BEING REAL, PRESENT and discovering your own AUTHENTICITY, BEAUTY andPOWER in your RAW INDIVIDUALITY .
all the love and light x
MAHALO
SAWA BONA
Pauline