originally published March 31, 2019
I shamed myself for not being a party girl.
I judged myself for not aking to go out to the clubs with my friends every weekend,
to prefer a good book and tea over beer pong and techno music and to never really resonate with the idea of friends with benefits or one night stands.
I can’t tell you how many times I heard that I am the boring one, the prude one, that I don’t know how to have fun or that I am a am missing out on life because I apparently didn’t know how to party.
I am not here to shame people that love partying, enjoy having casual sex or need a drink to have fun on the dance floor. I am also not here to say that my way of living is the right way
- This would technically be the same situation that I went through the other way round. Not interested in doing that.
I heard these opinions and judgments about my way of living so many times that their voices became my inner voice.
It seemed to be so normal and easy to love partying and casually hooking up with guys.
I asked myself:
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I be normal and enjoy doing these things?
I pushed myself to go out.
I went on dates because I felt like I had to.
On parties, I held a drink in my hand that I would never finish so that people didn’t try to convince me to get a drink all the time.
The way parties and dates made me uncomfortable in my skin and the fact that I never seemed to feel the same rush of energy and excitement convinced me for a long time that something had to be wrong with me.
It took me years to figure out that NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME!
I simply do enjoy different things to many other people.
I have fun when hiking and exploring the world.
I love deep conversations and real laughs over coffee and meditation music.
I get a rush of excitement and happiness when I visit a new country or city or when I smell the ocean and feel sand between my toes.
I like bonfires and alone time. I like early morning walks and green smoothies.
I feel peace when on my yoga matt or outside running in the sun.
For me, sex is an expression of deep love and profound trust and not an activity that I do just for fun.
I am writing this and putting it out there today because I want you to know that
You don't have to fit in!
There is no value in trying to get a square into a round box - it will never fit!
You surely can try to shave off all the edges, but aren't those what make us unique and beautiful?
When trying to be a ball, you can never rise to your real potential because you are too occupied in trying to live somebody else's life!
If you love being by yourself and hate partying? Cool.
If you love having casual sex? (As long as the other person is into it too) Cool.
If you love eating fries at Mc Donalds every Tuesday at 10 am? Cool.
If you run 10k everyday ? Cool.
In my opinion, it is time (again) to cultivate a mindset and society with
a lot less judgment and more than a little more openness.
Be kind to yourself.
Be open and kind to others.
Listen to your needs.
Be brave enough to do what makes YOU happy!
I promise:
Once I allowed myself to do and life precisely what made me feel good I noticed my real friends who accepted me for who I am and met new people that were into the same things as me.
Sending lots of love from a sunny Sunday in Denmark
Pauline