March 12, 2018

One week ago I turned 21, and funnily in these 21 years, I managed to put my feet on the ground in precisely 21 different countries! 

 I could make a travel blog out of this but as you guys know me... I am not so much about the surface. Instead I want to share with you a piece from my journal which I wrote when I was sitting on the plane leaving my 21st country about four weeks ago. I want to share with you what i realized after all these places and experiences and hope you can take some of it on jour personal journey of life.  

" At the age of 20, I come to realize that all my life I carried low believes, shame and resistance against one of my most significant gifts inside myself.

At the age of nearly 21, I also come to understand that none of these emotions find their origins in myself. 

at some point in my life...

 THEIR OUTTER VOICES BECAME MY INNER VOICE 

When I was a child, I remember having the most vivid imagination.

I created castles for fairies under my bedsheets, drew pictures of stories all over the walls, spoke to my stuffed animals and sang melodies that stemmed from my heart. 

I believed santa clause and mermaids were real and when I was wandering around the forest behind my backyard, I swear I could hear fairies whispering and playing hide and seek with each other.

I was a dreamer.

My head often lost in other universes, saying things people didn't understand. 

I forgot to close doors, wear clothes..... 

Time and space didn't seem real to me. 

They often still don't... 

And all of this was fine. I lived in my little dream world, perfectly happy with myself being aligned with my own unique truth of this world. 

But I can remember as I grew up, as I grew older and got in touch with more and more people I still was a dreamy little girl, extremely sensitive to emotions and energies around me, people started to make fun of me and my way of being.

They laughed about my beliefs and got annoyed by my sensitivity. 

Shame started to cover my innocence. 

I was the youngest in my family, as the other kids were older and believed that their perception of reality was the only truth,

I can vividly remember how they made fun of me believing in fairies.  

They made jokes about me and were labeling me and all of the sudden.

"dreamy" became something negative. 

As I felt wrong in my being

 I started to hide myself, deny, pretend and defend. 

Now, years later after visiting so many places and experiencing myself in so many different situations and with so many different people, I noticed finally that these voices which always put myself down and doubt myself never were my own. 

These voices that were the origin of my eating disorder, of a lifelong believe that  I would never be good enough, they never were mine from the beginning. 

Other people told me ( probably without knowing or intending)  until this small child which I was, identified herself with these outer voices and let them become her inner voice. 

Maybe even a past life or a condition from generations before me just handed this energy and heaviness over to me and I took it and identified myself with it because I couldn't see the difference. 

My sensitivity, my dreamy mind and subtle being always was something I felt like I had to hide.

I had to be like everyone else, but through believing that and hiding a part of myself, I denied my true self - the self which holds my superpower. 

21 years and 21 countries later, I could finally see that this pictures of myself never was real and never was for me to hold on to. 

I was allowed to let go of it and experience how my biggest insecurity, my biggest " flaw" and "problem" secretly always was my superpower. 

Being able to express my feelings, to see and feel what I do, to dream big and crazy and to allow myself to be ok and happy with it was the biggest release and energy pump I have ever experienced." 

By allowing yourself to step into your true self, into your truth

- you are granting yourself to chose your authentic path and with it YOUR UNIQUE superpower and individual journey to success and fulfillment. ( whatever this means to you) 

Let go of what other people think of you, what other people think you should be or should do! 

Let go of you believing that their opinion has to be yours and their voices can enter your head and become your inner voice. 

I hope with sharing my story I was able to open a new perspective for you and bring your awareness to the origins of your believes and problems.

Maybe they aren't yours, and someone's outer voice just became your inner voice, because you didn't know better and let it happen. 

You do NOT have to carry their voices. 

You do NOT have to live somebody else believes. 

You do NOT have to fulfill somebody else's dreams.

You are here to live YOURSELF

speak YOUR TRUTH

find YOUR PURPOSE 

and walk YOUR WAY 

I hope you can find your truths, let go of anything that is not serving you on your path and also be mindful of your own words too. 

Only speak with the best and purest intentions and try always to ask yourself:

Do I say that for the other person? Or am I saying that because of emotions inside myself? 

Let's stop this mindless manipulation. Let's free ourselves from believes that never were oursand let's start to celebrate our individualityLet's live this authentic beauty, which we all carry inside of usfree from fear and limitationsto become happy, free, real, soulful and find our purpose and superpower on this planet and in this life. It is time! - Your time to shine in your own light

Your voice can become someones inner voice too, remind yourself of this power and use it wisely and with best intentions. We all are responsible. We are all here. We are all human. 

Mahalo 

xxx